Thursday, October 25, 2007

I'm Homeless / Hipsters Unite

Press Advisory Contact: Brian Faucette

Phone #: 704-562-xxxx

October 25, 2007 Email: help1717troutman@gmail.com

Unfairly Evicted Tenants Fight Back

Press Conference and Rally Featuring Hundreds of Supporters and Tenants

Scheduled to Protest Surprise Eviction at 1717 Troutman

On Friday, October 26th, hundreds of tenants of 1717 Troutman will join with supporters, friends, family, and community and housing advocates to show their unity in the face of their surprising eviction. Left homeless after vacate notices, tenants will join together to express their outrage at the situation and attempt to convey to City officials and the landlord the urgent need to find a permanent solution to the tenants problems. Leaders of the tenants will discuss the situation of the homeless residents, their lack of options on where they have to stay in the interim and long term, as well as the urgent need of working professionals for a place to live and work.

What: Press Conference and Rally to Find Permanent Solutions for 1717 Troutman Residents and Prevent Adding the Tenants to the Homeless Population of NYC.

Who: Brian Faucette, Claribel Jolie Pichardo, Mat Swajkos, Sean Raspet, and other Tenant Leaders, will be joined by hundreds of supports and tenants as well as invited community leaders, housing advocates, and elected officials.

When: Friday, October 26th, at 10 A.M.

Where: Directly Outside the Vacated Premises of 1717 Troutman (located by the side streets of Cypress Avenue and Seneca Avenue. 2 blocks from the Jefferson stop on the L train)

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Wednesday, October 10, 2007

The Big Three - The Good, The True, and The Beautiful

Integral Studies - Lesson 2

One key aspect of Integral Theory is the 4 quadrants (shown below), often referred to as I, We, It and It's. These are four perspectives through which we can view the world. The idea is that all things arise in all 4 quadrants. The Upper Left (UL) quadrant is the interior of the individual the Lower Right is the exterior of the collective etc.

These 4 quadrants are often simplified into the Big 3 and correlate rather nicely with the tried and true philosophical ideas of the Good (we), the True (it), and the Beautiful (I). As it is only through each of these perspectives that we can know what is good (ethics, intersubjective), true (science, objective), and beautiful (art, subjective), it is important to remember that far too often we each tend to favor one perspective over the others and much suffering ensues.

Our assignment was to describe a memorable event in our lives using the language of each of these three major perspectives. Someone wrote about the birth of their child, and someone else lamented that they could not write about their own birth....so:

I opened my eyes and there they were, presumably the people who had been poking me and playing that awful music right in my ear every night. I know who she his, she feels like me. I think that we are the same. But these other men I’m not so sure about. One of them seems almost familiar, and now he his looking at me. He loves me. He is crying. Where the hell am I? It’s cold, I think someone just smacked my bottom, and suddenly the liquid that I’m breathing feels very thin and harsh. I’ve been screaming to go back, but no one seems to understand. They are passing me to her, laying me upon her chest. Here I feel at home again.

We knew that this was the most important day that we had experienced together as soon as the first contraction happened. There was a moan, the walls drew in, and suddenly we felt a rush of energy and anxiety course through our veins. Someone grabbed one of our hands and said that we needed to head to the hospital right away. We didn’t think that there was much too worry about, but we didn’t really have the energy to argue with him either. He is a sincere and caring man, and though he was not experiencing things quite as viscerally as we were, we knew that he shared our joy and concern for the import of this moment, and so we allowed him to lead us all to the car and drive straight away to the hospital.

It came out with a slurping sound and started wailing right away. It seems to have become proficient in the use of its levator palpebrae superioris muscles prior to seeing the light because it is blinking quite profusely. There seems to be blood and a number of other fluids coating the skin and what little hair covers its head as if the creature had just immerged victorious from battle or some other violent encounter. The umbilical chord was snipped like a piece of sausage and the placenta was bagged and rushed off to storage. The babies toes were counted, it’s face wiped off and it was placed gently on its mothers chest where the screams finally stopped and its heart rate slowed to a more restful pace.

It was interesting to talk from the we space of the mother-child union that is really a blurred line between self and other to begin with. Presumably the moments surrounding birth are when such a line is being drawn the most and yet also the most difficult to distinguish. The IT language felt cold and inappropriate for such an event, but no doubt was the most important for the overall health and well being of all involved. I don’t actually remember being born, so you’ll have to forgive my imagination creeping into the assignment, but from a completely subjective point of view who is to say that what I have described here is not a direct result of some sort of memory, or physical imprint from the actual birthing experience? Certainly not me.

Monday, October 1, 2007

Integral Studies - Lesson 1

Since part of me reason for taking courses in Integral Theory is to be accepted into the cult and thus help spread the good word I am going to try sharing my responses to assignments on this here blog. I know that some of you are wondering what the hell I have gotten myself into while others have an inkling and are curious to know more. Some already know quite a bit and perhaps as this progresses you shall learn even more with me. Please feel free to question and criticize at al times.

We have short weekly assignments in the form of written responses to readings that we are doing during the week. We post these responses in our ‘classroom’ which is actually an online forum where we are also required to comment on one another’s responses. Already, simply pondering the possibility of this I feel more engaged with my classmates than I often did in the regular brick and mortar atmosphere of undergraduate work where I rarely knew what others work consisted of, never mind engaged it actively. This could be fun.

Lesson #1 is a practice lesson based on about 75 pages of introductory reading on Integral Theory.

Dig it:

In my attempts to help consciousness blossom in myself, and all of those I come in contact with, few things seem to allow room for as much hope as the integral model. By using five elements of the AQAL model (quadrants, levels, lines, states and types) I am able to approach and understand the intricacies of interaction that play out within, between and around us in ever more subtle and effective ways. With the Integral Operating system as a tool walls come down, bridges are built, and new tools emerge from the synthesis of once disparate fields.

When working with children simply recognizing the need for a young, preconventional child to learn what is expected of them in society and reach a conventional level of development can be enlightening for someone who tends towards postconventional thoughts and wishes to foster the same in said child. Understanding that stages or levels unfold sequentially and can not be skipped allows us to appreciate the steps along the way and nurture them as healthy and natural rather than scolding them as less than ideal.

It can also be eye opening to recognize the lines of development that individuals exceed in or struggle with. Having this ability allows one the ability to appreciate one child’s cognitive skills, while recognizing that she may need your help when dealing with the other children emotionally. At the same time another child may be the perfect, emotionally outreaching playmate for her, but be lacking in his kinesthetic or physical sense of self and need encouragement or shelter from those more physically able or aggressive.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

God's Own Drunk - Wake the Dawn

My friends David and Seth came to visit me when I was living in Charlotte, NC so that they could record an album for their band God's Own Drunk. We produced an album of 14 songs called Wake the Dawn.

David and Seth came with a bunch of songs that they had been playing with the band in Boston. The band is generally a four piece, but only the two of them could make it down for the week, so we had Dave on acoustic guitar, harmonica and lead vocals and Seth on lead and acoustic. They recorded the eleven songs that made it onto the album in this small time. This left me to fill in on bass, program drums and add what ever other bits of noise I saw fit after they had left. They also ended up including three of my instrumental pieces on the CD.

Some of the songs stayed quite pure and simple as they were written and recorded. Some Have Been Lost is one of these. It's also one of my favorites. Dave wrote this for dear friends for whom the world was both too much and not enough and who are no longer with us, as well as for the rest of us who are.


God's Own Drunk - Some Have Been Lost


Some of the songs on the album ended up a bit more rock or blues as the band usually plays them live. Clockmaker is one of these. Some became more esoteric and haunting like Rise Through the Ashes. These are songs of spirit and soul and the American hole and all of the crap that gets stuck inside.

Seasons Change left me feeling like the music that was recorded did not fit the vocals and the lyrics. So I threw out everything except for Dave's voice, and created a slightly dancy remix (or ReVerse as I call it; as Verse is my musical alter ego...or just ego).

If you are interested in hearing what an integrally informed lyricist comes up with, then I do not know of too many places to look. David is one of those places. His interest and knowledge in all things spiritual and integral has truly been blossoming in the years since the writing/recording of these songs, but I think that they can give you a glimpse of a burgeoning 2nd tier awareness and much of the grace, grit and harmonica spit that builds the foundation for such a leap.


God's Own Drunk - Seasons Change (ReVersed)

The album was release on my label NoAffiliation in 2005. Please be kind to the dilapidated website that was built around the same time. If what you're hearing strikes a chord and you'd like to hear more, than the album can be found on iTunes, CDBaby and probably a few other places as well.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Fast and Slow - The Master Cleanse

It is time for me to take stock of my eating once again. I have felt the need for a cleanse coming on for a month or two, but have been finding excuses around every corner. Once a year, for the past four years, I have done Stanley Burrough's 'Master Cleanse' for ten days. I limit myself quite strictly to nothing other than the lemon juice, maple syrup (grade B), cayenne pepper and water drink that I have begun to call 'cajun lemonade' as well as laxative tea in the evening and water as desired. I have managed to find something in my schedule for the past couple of months that would make not eating (or drinking alcohol) for ten days a real pain in the ass socially and professionally, and I have caved to my baser desires each time.

Along the way I have been pushing myself farther and farther from the path of my ILP. I have been meditating less and less, working out less and less, doing yoga less and less, and drinking, over eating and eating crap more and more and more; culminating in the past week. I spent the past week in Stamford teaching a class on card access software. This means that I and one of my coworkers spent the week holed up in the Holiday Inn on the company tab. It also means that we felt obligated to entertain our customers who were in town to take the class. The food was wonderful. From a 3 person $600 dinner at Morton's with amazing steaks, wine etc. to a great wine and Italian food meal at Siena's Ristorante to copious amounts of beer at the hotel bar and numerous other locations throughout the city, I was full the entire time. This, of course, did not stop the consumption. Not until today.

Today I have not eaten a thing. Not even some cajun lemonade. I am still full. But I am excited to learn what hunger feels like once again. To experience the heightened sense of smell that comes with a cleansed palate and truly clear sinuses. I am excited to explore my desires to eat, teasing out the subtleties of boredom, nervousness, tension, stress, lust, exhaustion, loneliness, imbalance and many other things that I often confuse or mask with hunger. I am excited to feel the increased energy coursing through my body. Each time I have done this fast/cleanse I have found myself having an increase in my energy levels after the first couple of days. This probably sounds backwards, but has been an obvious result each time. I am well aware of the many ways in which I overeat, and of the many foods that, when eaten, seem to require more energy to process than they are providing during that processing, but I never realized the extent of energy required for digestion.

I recently read 'Enzymes: What the Experts Know' by Tom Bohager and was a little surprised to read him write that 'the act of digestion consumes as much as 80% of our daily energy'(p101) The interesting side is what this has to do with enzymes. This is one of the strongest arguments for a raw food diet that I am aware of. Digestion requires enzymes. "Enzymes are catalysts, substances that cause a chemical reaction to move faster. For example, air is a catalyst for fire...enzymes are the catalysts of biochemical reactions in living organisms"(p7) Most food, when 'alive' contains all of the necessary enzymes to digest said food. "I'm sure you've observed an apple going "bad" because it sat...too long. You didn't eat it, so it ate itself... The enzymes within that apple have become active in a digestive manner."(p14) So, food, in it's natural state contains enzymes......unless we heat it above 116 degrees (cook it). When you heat food it kills the enzymes in it. Some actually start dying at 106 degrees. But what happens when you eat something that does not contain enough enzymes to aid in its digestion in your body? Your body provides the necessary enzymes. This is one of the major roles of the bacteria in your body, they creates enzymes. The problem here is twofold. One, through ingestion of antibiotics, which kill all bacteria, good and bad, most of us are low on the good bacteria. Two, our body needs enzymes for a number of processes in the body other than digestion.

Digestion is priority number one in the body. Without it we starve and die. Number two is probably the immune system. So guess who gets robbed of enzymes when our food requires more digestive aid than we have available? I know that I started getting a bit sick this past week, and I was eating a lot of cooked food, especially meat. I was also under slept and often drunk, but the food I was eating was not necessarily allowing my bodies energies to compensate for other systems need for increased resources. I probably needed more enzymes. Getting good bacteria through probiotics is one option.

I have been making my own probiotic at home. Kombucha tea (seen fermenting here):
That's the mother floating on top. Isn't she pretty. I actually drink that stuff. It's alive and it helps me to stay that way....I think. Things such as yogurt and Kefir can be probiotics as well. I am also looking at Enzymedica, one of the companies recommended in Bohager's book, for enzyme therapy, and probably for probiotic digestive aids.

So,I will be giving my system a break for the next ten days, but I will also be doing a bit of experimentation. During my last fast I found myself really wanting to continue beyond the ten days. I felt wonderful and energetic, but Thanksgiving was impending, and I decided to use the 3-4 pre-Thanksgiving days I had available to ease my self into the feast. This time I intend to leave myself open to the possibility of continuing, in some capacity, beyond the alotted ten days. What I am really interested in is supplementing the cajun lemonade with some other things that I have been experimenting with. I find that taking a large quantity of something on an empty stomach can be the best way to get to know it and its effects on my body. So I may try out a few things such as kombucha tea, maca, camu camu, reishi, crystal manna or raw cacao 'on their own' as I have mostly been eating them in smoothies. Could be interesting.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Big Brother - First Time

I met with my Little for the first time today (ok, I'm writing this a couple of weeks later and predating it). I drove to Stuart(Chuck)'s place on Malcolm X blvd, parked my car, and called upstairs to his mother. A brief encounter with a somewhat confused older woman in a wheelchair later (I'm not Bobby) and Stuart and I were on our way to the park near his house. I thought that it would be a good idea to walk around, check out his neighborhood, and see how he's livin.

We walked a few blocks to the park near his house and hung out on the jungle gym for a while. We mostly just talked, getting acquainted, and discussing his upcoming school activities. Stuart is a smart little ten year old and he really seems to enjoy learning in school. I'm loving this. He seems curious and eager.

At some point I became hungry and was really craving an apple. I asked Chuck if he knew of any place near by that might have fruit. He said he did. So we started walking. We went to six or seven local bodegga's, markets, and corner stores with absolutely no luck. A couple of them had a few banana's. There was no other fruit in site, and the local grocery is closed on Sunday's. So we hopped in the car and set out for fruit.

We ended up at Prospect Park in Park Slope. Stuart didn't seem to interested in the park at first, but then we saw the mammouth jungle gym and his face lit up a little bit. He immediately ran up onto the playground and before long I was chasing him around as he outsmarted and outran me time and time again. A little girl even invited herself to join in on the fun of running from and laughing at me attempting to catch up with two clever little kids.

After a while we decided to take a break and go check out where all of the balloon swords, hats, and belts were coming from. Let me just say that I never before realized how creepy clowns can be. Consider me convinced, children should not be left alone with clowns. Then all of the sudden Stuart walked off to a park bench across the way. There was a women sitting there with a little hand drawn sign advertising sketches for sail. Chuck immediately sat down and asked to be drawn playing basketball with a cell phone in his hand with a caption saying 'Nothing interupts my calls'. I ended up getting myself barefoot playing an acoustic guitar with 'Strummin' the blues away' written across the top.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Edumacation

I just done been told that I be excepted to tha university of Fielding where they gonna learn me real good on the Integral stuff.

I have been accepted to Fielding Graduate University to earn a Certificate in Integral Studies, the credits from which can then be applied to the Concentration in Integral Studies in Fielding's Master's Program in Organization Management & Development.

So, basically, I'm a student again. It's online, so I avoid the much dreaded classroom, but I am still in school. Which seems a bit weird to me. But, I figure I spend enough time studying this stuff anyways, I might as well get credit for it.

Cuttyhunk Island

Benjamin first invited me to come visit him on Cuttyhunk island a few years ago. I never made it until this past weekend. Cuttyhunk is a little island just northwest of Martha's Vineyard. There is a ferry from New Bedford, MA that takes you on a 45min ride to the island of Cuttyhunk.



Cuttyhunk is a cute, low-key, island full of old (inherited) homes and new (big $) summer houses. It has very few cars and quite a few golf carts, 4 wheelers, and moorings. I spent Friday night in one of the apartments in Benjamin's parents house and then spent Saturday and Sunday night with Sean at one of his parents homes.


The name of the day....every day....was consumption. We ate fresh caught tuna, lamb, beef kabobs, barbecued chicken, kielbasa, tuna BLT's with bacon on a Portuguese sweet roll, bacon-egg-cheese on a Portuguese sweet roll, cold cut sandwiches, eggs with sausage, onions, canadian bacon and cheese, pancakes with bananas and chocolate chips, fresh sea bass, grilled corn on the cob, shrimp poppers, fries, pizza and then we drank. Cragenmore 12 yr, mimosa's, box wine, cheap beer, good beer, Pabst Blue Ribbon on tap, rum and coke, vodka drink's, sparkling white wine mimosa things......and even a little water in the morning after coffee.





















This is all on an island that sells no liquor and has one little market and a food cart. We hung out with Jono at the Avalon Inn (seen above drinking from the umbrella straw). I stood on top of a WWII bunker on the top of a hill that provides a 360 degree view of the ocean, Martha's Vineyard and Nashawena island . Went cruising with Ben to collect mooring fees from all of the sail and motor boats parked just off the island for the weekend. Took a cruise around the island with Sean in his parent's boat. Had a bonfire on the beach. Dug holes in the sand, played fetch with Diesel, and got a send off from the island as the ferry left on Monday. You can see Sean in the picture below getting ready to dive off the dock pointing down at his dog Diesel in an attempt to stop him from diving into the water when he does.
And when I got home there were people shooting a movie out on my roof deck.
Now I'm back at work. Well, at home, in my underwear, but working.....and blogging. The office seems a bit drab today.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Big Brother - Match Made

I met my little on Monday. His name is Stuart. No, actually it's not, but the innocents name has been changed to protect the, uh, well, innocent. So I shall call him Stuart, or Chuck for short. Here's what I can tell you. He is 10 years old. He lives in Brooklyn. He has slightly less hair on his head than me. He lives with his mom, whom I also met, and spends a lot of time with his aunt. He's into computers and math and photographing celebrities. He would like me to teach him how to play the guitar (very cool) and he enjoys short walks in the park.

He seemed a bit shy, though this should probably be expected in an awkward situation such as this. First his mother showed up and said that Stuart was on his way with his aunt. Mrs. BBBS (director of BBBS) did the introduction thing and then stuck us in a tiny little office together for 10 minutes. The mom asked me why I was there, told me why she brought Chuck there, and we chatted about kids, exercise, South Carolina, and the Gross Domestic Product of Guam (one of these things was not really discussed). She is an intelligent career woman who seems to be doing a great job raising her child. Chuck just lacks a male in his life who can be a consistent caring, teaching presence. Bravo to his mom for reaching out. It takes a big heart (and dare I say an absence of big balls) to admit there are roles that others might fill better than you. I'm privileged to be tapped for such a role.

After Stu's mom and I chatted she left the room and Stuart came in. I basically asked him a whole bunch of questions, most of which he answered with short, shy sentences. I did see his face light up a little at the mention of a couple of things. One of these was riding the bus. Apparently Stuart is a bus pro. This is good, because I know nothing of the bus. I have never ridden it and I'm pretty sure I waste a fair amount of time because of this. Stuart has promised to teach me how to ride the bus. Coincidentally, he does not know how the subway works. I plan on figuring this out and teaching him. I think that there are letters and numbers involved; it's kinda like algebra.

So, we agreed to have our first outing on either Sept 8th or 9th. I think that we will go and hang out in the park in Brooklyn. Chuckie said that he likes the slides there.

I don't have Stu's picture, and if I did I would not put it up here, so here's another wedding photo booth card. This is actually me and 4 cousins.....somehow Tara and I got center stage and Meg, Priya and Suse got screwed.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Tears of Joy and Sorrow

My sister Aileen got married yesterday. At her wedding she had a photo booth. Together we made faces.


Reilly sent me an email on Aug 1st with a last minute plea for me to help out at Camp Bright Feathers (CBF) as a CIT (Counselor in Training) facilitator. Reilly has been volunteering at this camp for something like 13 years, but was in Poland at the time and could not attend. I have been feeling like my work lacks meaning, and looking for ways to contribute more, this presented a great opportunity. CBF is a week long camp in New Jersey for children ages 6-13 who are affected by HIV. Some campers have HIV, some have family who do, or have lost someone close to them to it.

So that is where I spent the past week. I was at CBF from August 18-August 25th. I stayed in a cabin with 15-16 year old boys in a village with another cabin of 15-16 year old girls; all CIT's. They were former campers and new volunteers with ties to the camp.

We spent the week exploring what it means to be a role model for children and attempting to make sure that all of the campers had as much fun as possible despite the fact that it rained most of the time and almost all of the camps activities are usually outdoors. The camps intention is not to focus on HIV or sickness in any way. It actually provides the opposite for the kids. The camp tries to be one environment where this can fall back. Stopping for meds 2 or 3 times a day does not have to be explained, and when meeting new people the pressure of when to divulge certain information can be relaxed a bit.

Many campers seem perfectly healthy, a few have extensive scarring, some have cerebral palsy or some sort of developmental delay, most come from situations at home and in their community that I can only relate to through stories and imagination. The one thing that most all of them seem to have in common is an astounding degree of resilience and so many share a true passion for life. These are children who face hurdles at home and within their own bodies that I have never had to face. So many of the things that I have long taken for granted are a struggle or stretch that never reaches its goal. These are not Magic Johnson's children. Most come from the inner city in places like Philadelphia, PA and Camden, NJ. The camp is free for them and the staff is comprised mostly of volunteers. I met a lot of great people, many of whom came to camp years ago and have not stopped coming back. I intend to do the same.

I had to leave camp a bit early on Friday to get back to Manhattan for my sisters rehearsal dinner, followed by drinks, then woke up on Saturday, quick workout, went to pick up flowers for the wedding, dropped some of them off for the bridal party, then went to meet up with the groomsmen. Donned a tux, did the pictures outside in the park thing in 90+ degree weather, and then headed over to the Foundry in a stretch taxi limousine.

The wedding ceremony was great. My sister looked amazing. I love to see her looking so beautiful and happy and surrounded by so many who love her. Ralph's family is awesome. The room was full of friends and family, many of whom I had not seen in years. It was an intimate 110ish person affair. I can't describe how blessed I feel to have this as my foundation. The amount of opportunity and support that I have in my life is staggering. It was the realization of this that overwhelmed me.

I am the type of person who usually takes a great deal of alone time. I meditate, read, exercise, play music, sit and pick my nose, whatever. I had spent the entire week in a cabin in the woods with a campers and fellow counselors. In rushing home and jumping into the dinner, wedding, family, friends scene I never really allowed myself any time to process the week or transition back into the day to day city life. I thoroughly enjoyed myself and those around me for most of the night, but towards the end of the night I began to reach a point of overwhelm.

I went upstairs to the balcony overlooking the dance floor with a glass of water to catch my breath and take it all in. Sitting there by myself was the when the week finally caught up with me. Reilly had warned me that it would probably happen at some time during the week, perhaps after taking the campers to the infirmary for meds. The week at camp had been wonderful. I was surrounded by so much strength and resilience in the face of so many hardships that I could not imagine feeling down. I jumped into the camp life fully, resisting nothing, and trying to keep my heart as open as possible at all times. I practiced Tonglen while walking throughout the camp and was honored to have the opportunity to be invited into both the simple and difficult experiences of these strangers lives. It was only here, in the extravagance and familiarity of my own life, that the weight of it all could be felt.

Amy walked by and said "come downstairs and dance, it's your sisters wedding", but I had been choking back tears already and felt a bit guilty about bringing my overwhelm into the room. I declined, waited a moment, and then walked downstairs and out the front door into the streets of Long Island City. I made it half a block before the tears came, overcome with tears of joy and sorrow, I walked quite a few more before sitting down to catch my breath and let them stop.

I do not have the words for the weight that the past weak has held. I am so happy for the life that I have been given, and so grateful to be able to share my abundance with others. I am amazed at the energy and compassion that children who have know so much suffering can show towards one another. I am in awe of all of those who consistently give of themselves when faced with the lack of others. It seems as if facing difficulty in life has allowed many to truly care about others and recognize our interconnectivity far more than a life of carefree pleasure ever could have. I am continually thankful for the family and friends that life has presented me and recognize that the suffering that I have faced in life has helped make me who I am and added to my desire to reach out to others stumbling along their path. The opportunity to give is truly that, an opportunity. I hold no delusions of being anyones savior. I am simply honored to hold another's hand as they take a few steps forward. It's a shame that it's taken me so long too figure out the gift that service can be to both myself and others.


At camp we made a clay animation with some of the kids.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Correlation vs. Causation - DNA and Epigenetics


Correlation and Causation seem to me to be two of the most commonly confused terms in the modern world. Nowhere is this more apparent than in the reporting and interpretation of genetic research.

I got only 50 pages into 'The Biology of Belief' by Bruce H. Lipton and already was in love. It is rare that a scientists views of the world truly resonate with my own interpretations. I have long argued that DNA as a causative factor in our lives is a confused and partial truth. I occasionally read of studies that point at this, but far too often the opposite conclusion is drawn. 'My genes made me fat, caused my cancer, leave me crippled with ADD, depression, chronic fatigue, addiction, obesity, etc. and there is ultimately little that I can do.'

The fact that there is some truth in this does not mean that we are powerless, quite the opposite I think.

Lipton makes some very important points early on '...genes can not turn themselves on or off...genes are not "self-emergent". Something in the environment has to trigger gene activity.'. So our genes certainly speak of (often latent) potentials, but they alone can not be studied to tell us why we are as we are. (p26)

Later Lipton gives us the analogy of the belief that keys 'control' cars. If one were to study all cars that are moving (much as geneticists may study all people with cancer) in an attempt to determine causes of this 'movement' phenomenon they may well find that all moving cars contain keys. They may even go so far as to look and find no stationary cars containing keys. Does this mean that keys control cars or cause them to be moving? Obviously not, they are correlative, not causative. (p50) There are other environmental and interior factors at work here as well (driver, gas, battery charge etc). DNA (keys) may very well be the newest and most fundamental factor to receive sciences attention, but how is it that this leads us to ignore or belittle the myriad other factors at play? And more importantly, how useful is this towards empowering us to make positive change?

Mr. Lipton goes on to point out Darwin's late life realization: "the greatest error which I have committed has been not allowing sufficient weight to the direct action of the environments, I.e. Food, climate, etc., independently of natural selection."

"When a gene product is needed, a signal from its environment, not an emergent property of the gene itself, activates expression of that gene." - H. F. Nijhout (p52)

Lipton also points out that, while it holds a wealth of information and can rightly be considered a warehouse of potentials, DNA alone does not interact with the environment to determine our response to stimulus. "In the chromosome, the DNA forms the core, and the proteins cover the DNA like a sleeve. When the genes are covered, their information can not be "read".(p67) What causes the protein 'sleeve' to roll back and allow the DNA to express itself? Environmental signals. So, it would seem that in many ways the regulatory proteins surrounding our DNA are deciding which potentials we will express, and when, more than the DNA that is getting so much media attention these days. Lipton even points out that more often than not, in an attempt to get at and study DNA, the proteins surrounding it are removed and discarded. Is this because DNA houses all of the necessary information for the life that is me?

Consider that our bodies are made up of over 100,000 different proteins. "Conventional thought held that the body needed one gene to provide for each of the 100,000...Add to that 20,000 regulatory genes, which orchestrate the activity of the protein-encoding genes. Scientists concluded that the human genome would contain a minimum of 120,000 genes." (p62) But it turns out that they found closer to 25,000. The spineless, thousand-celled Caenorhabditis worm has 24,000. Obviously there is more at work here building each of us than just DNA.

Epigenetics - Control above genetics

Epigenetic research is now showing us that, not only is there a lot more to our complexity than DNA can account for, the whole process is a lot more fluid than previously believed. Epigeneticists are the scientists who keep the regulatory proteins and study them when breaking open a cells nucleus to get at its contents (DNA and regulatory proteins). These are the scientists who are teaching us that the holy grail of building life is not DNA-->RNA-->protein, but Environmental Signal<-->Regulatory Protein<-->DNA<-->RNA<-->Protein. Notice that the arrows actually go in both directions. 'DNA blueprints passed down through genes are not concrete at birth'. They change!!! They respond!

Yes, this does seem to imply that the outside world, and our interactions with it can actually rewrite our genetic code. Is this actually surprising? Does the idea of 'random mutation' followed by 'natural selection' really make more sense? What does the word random usually imply in a scientific context? It usually means 'we have no fucking clue what is happening, and are not going to admit any attempts to figure it out'. Thank god someone did.

In attempting to explain what I view to be one of our current limitations when attempting to understand what DNA, RNA, proteins etc. are and how they interact with the world I have come up with a train analogy:

Picture the human mind/body as a train. Let's say that science wants to know what's happening inside of the train in order to determine where that train will end up, and in what condition. So science decides that people control trains. Science then finds a way to capture a static image of the entire contents of the train, who is in it, what they are saying, what their plans are, etc. Science then spends a great deal of time studying the content of that one image and comparing its findings to similar snapshots of information gathered from other trains. What science can not yet honor is that the train is full of holes and its contents change over time. Windows and doors open and close both as the train stops and when it is in motion. The train made many stops before the image was captured and has made many more stops since the image was captured. Most likely it was making stops or had windows open while the image was being captured. And what is happening at these stops and through these openings? People are getting on and off, they are smelling the air outside, breathing its contents, hearings it's sounds. The environment around the train is permeating and changing the contents of the train and vice versa. The conversations that the passengers on a train are likely to have rest heavily on where the train is, who has entered, exited, and who is being mesmerized by the sights out the window. The train may have a schedule, and should environmental conditions be one particular way, it may even follow that schedule to the mili-second with no malfunctions or mishaps, but neither this schedule nor the people on the train at the time of the imaging are necessarily causative. They are correlates. And not one piece of this ever changing information can be looked at in a deterministic fashion if we really want to have a clue how that train is going to end up.

We currently have the capability to sequence the entire human genome (It's still really fucking expensive) and have done it quite a few times. I am not aware of any comparative studies that attempt to look at the human genome at birth, death, and at many intervals in between. I suspect that we will see differences. I do not believe that our genetic code is static or causative. We are a product of our genes, our proteins, our community, our society, and, as Mr. Lipton states clearly in other sections of the book, of our beliefs as well.

What is beautiful about all of this is that the idea that we need to dominate (survival of the fittest) or control others so that we can survive just doesn't make sense when it is precisely those others whom we rely on for all of the growth that we have ever made. It seems as if by nurturing our environment we are actually nurturing ourselves.

What is the impact of all this? Not that survival of the fittest is necessarily 100% wrong, but that it is certainly not the whole truth either. There may be more value in cooperation with our environment (others) than previously imagined. There's really no reason to feel trapped and scared, as if the environment is out to get you and you are ill prepared to meet it. We are being created by it. We are creating with it. We are perfectly in sync with it. The imaginary lines that we have drawn around ourselves, separating self from other, are melting every day.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Vulnerability


LITTLE ME

Antoinette asked me recently why I said that one of the reasons for creating my blog was to make myself more vulnerable. My response was to tell her that I feel as if I was raised to think that I was 'special' and 'different' and that at some point I indulged these ideas too much and this was one of the beliefs that left me feeling isolated and alone in the world. I often times operated under the assumption that others could not possibly understand what it was that I was going through and how it was affecting me. My response to this was to never reach out to them at all. I denied myself the opportunity for success or failure in intimate relationships by never engaging people in ways that might feel too vulnerable.

So, I do feel as if I have made great changes in my life regarding my openness and my willingness and ability to share my internal world with others. And I have been amazed at the feeling of connectedness and community that this has brought into my life. So I have decided to test myself and see what things I still hold on to. And when I find such things, I hope to do my best to lay them bare. I am sure that there will be exceptions to this, but I wonder what good, if any, these exceptions can bring.

In the spirit of this, I offer you the following letter that I wrote to my mommy after a long car ride together full of wonderful conversation. You will be a little lost contextually, but I will offer [explanation] and you should feel free to comment or question. I've been getting all sorts of great feedback in email and on myspace, but few seem to want to comment in public.

I hope my mommy doesn't mind.

Hi mom,

I was thinking about what you said about your having a tendency to gravitate towards black and white thinking. I think that this is what has bothered me in the past about your views on my experiences with my chest surgery [ corrective for pectus excavatum] and how it related to my unhappiness. It has often seemed as if you could not understand my general disillusionment with what I saw as my options in life. You, understandably, probably saw this most clearly in my views of much of western medicine [complete distrust of doctors]. So you needed a reason. A reason is quite different than a comprehensive understanding.


My chest is, has been, and will be a factor in my life. I am good with this. I have learned much from it. It has been hard at times, but I love where I am now, and everything has been part of that. By no means should you read this as a glossing over of facts, think of it as contextualizing them.


For me the difficulties that I have had in the past have been much more complicated than one part of my body. My life lacked meaning, and, with the tools that you had given me [atheist family], I had no idea how to find this meaning. This is not something I blame you for. This is a defining characteristic of the modern world. I could ramble on about Realism, or Objectivism, or Reductionism, but the simple truth for me is that science is not enough, and I was raised to believe that the world is completely explainable through science. Interestingly enough, the true leaders at the cutting edges of science have always seemed to know its limitations. Most of our education only focuses on part of their work. Quantum Physics has now made it clear to everyone else just how confused we were to think that there is a simple black and white world out there that we can objectify. It all but directly calls us co-creators of reality.

I know that you have a strong faith in yourself. It seems that you do not have a hard time finding beauty in the world [my mother is an amazingly sweet, gentle and caring person]. I trust that your morals are so much higher than most. I know that there is meaning in life, whether we can understand it or not. I think that we all intuit such things. But being the curious monkey that I am has led me to seek a deeper appreciation of how these things evolve. Using science to trace the roots of beauty, morals, and meaning leads to giant metaphysical cliffs that most in the scientific community just back away from slowly as if nothing has happened. Science is far too black and white for this stuff. It has made it very clear to me that the explanations that I was given for such processes were drastically incomplete and in many ways in serious denial. I needed more than that.

The trust in subjective truths that spiritual traditions offer is such a complement. I inherited from you the idea that one view [science] was necessarily in contrast with the other [religion]. You did not create it, you merely passed it on. It was as if to believe in god meant a denial of science and/or personal responsibility for the world. Sure this is true for some, but the assumption that this is then true for all is a gross denial of fact and a serious over simplification. The world is not that black and white.

I believe that much of the depression that we now see in the world is a result of such an unnatural split that people feel forced to make in themselves.

There is a beauty in grey that is so much greater than the idea of self that is commonly accepted in our society; an idea which relies entirely on the black and white understandings that science provides. Spirituality and science are not in opposition. I think that the ideas of Self that I have stumbled upon are a bit more inclusive than those that modernity offers and it provides me with a few more tools with which to relate to reality.

I must say that I am grateful that I have been given the tools to undertake this journey. The pain I have felt has been a million opportunities. I regret none of it. We are all stumbling forward together.

Devin

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

ILP - Specifics

So what, specifically, am I talking about with this ILP thing? And why did I start rambling about some bald headed guy the last time I mentioned it?

INTEGRAL - A comprehensive approach
LIFE - to an ever expanding, truly enjoyable experience
PRACTICE - that recognizes that there is work involved in growth

Basically, I want more. I have recognized that the more I engage life, the more enjoyable it becomes. So I have decided to pursue a path paved with as much consciousness as possible.
Integral theory, as explained by Mr. Ken Wilber (no hair), appears to be the best, most inclusive framework currently available to seekers such as myself.

The idea is that once we have come to some sort of understanding of the integral model it is completely useless.

Unless we do something with it.

But, if we take this prism and hold it up to the light that is our life, we can see many a splendid colors projected upon the wall. We can then look at these colors and realize quite easily which ones we have been focusing all of our attention on, and which ones we have been neglecting to various degrees.

Enough theory, here is how I filled out the I-I provided form that we were handed in our previous meeting. I will assume that context will explain much and that curiosity will be stirred by the rest in those who take interest.

Current Integral Life Practice – New York City ILP Group


Name: Devin Martin

Practice

Description



Body Module






Gross

30 Minutes Strength Training

0-9x/week


Subtle

30 Minutes Yoga and Stretching

0-9x/week


Causal

30 Minutes Breathing Exercises and Meditation

0-9x/week


All

Posture Work

0-24hrs/day


Shadow Module




3-2-1

Throughout the Day as charges are recognized

3-20 min Daily


Mind Module




Reading Integral

Currently Consciousness and Healing

20-60 min daily


Reading Fiction

Zorba the Greek/Excession

In between


Studying Nutrition

Lifefood Recipe Book, Audio, Internet (Best Day Ever), Forums

30-60 min daily


Listening Integral Naked, Robbins, Jubb, Wolfe, Rollins, Deida

When in car, airplane or on subway

30-120 min 5 days/week


Current Events

Online News, Magazines (Ode, WIE, Atlantic Monthly)

10-60min

daily


Spirit Module




See body work




Additional Key Practices




Nutrition

Experimenting with new foods and removing others from everyday use

Raw, Lifefood, Probiotics, Alkalizing, candida taming, juicing, making kombucha



Service

Big Brother



Nature

Give SUV drivers dirty looks



Music

-Practice thinking about potential practice approaches



Community

Integral – Meetup/Discussion/ILP seminar, meetings, partner - BLOG, travel



Heart

Investigate/purchase HeartMath – Tonglen w/biofeedback!!










Luckily, most of what I had already stumbled upon stays in place, I have just been inspired to supplement my practice with a few other things.


I actually chart my day to day progress using a spreadsheet that I have been honing for a few years. (Yes, I am that much of a geek) Perhaps I will share that at some point if I can figure out a way to transfer a dense excel grid into a html friendly format.

Monday, July 9, 2007

The Fountain


I finally watched 'The Fountain', a film by Darren Aronofsky. This is the guy who made Pi and Requiem for a Dream. And I have to admit, I was really blown away. Tony has been telling me for months to see this movie. He was right.

First of all yes, the movie is beautiful to look at. The acting is great. The special effects are exciting, yet somehow quieting. The editing is refined. It is a technically awesome movie. Having said that:

My initial reactions were purely emotional. I watched the movie, and was engrossed, but really didn't know what exactly was going on. I could follow each scene, but an understanding of the story, the connections between the scenes, just wasn't gelling. Normally, when offered an experience such as this, I feel frustrated or bored or detached from the characters and their plight. Yet, somehow, the exact opposite was happening as I watched this film. My heart was breaking, over and over. My investment in some sort of positive outcome only seemed to increase as my ideas about what that might mean dropped away one after the other.

I was left stunned, in awe and wonderment as the credits rolled.

Then, in the hours after the movie ended it was as if a dust storm had calmed and all of the pieces began to settle on the ground beneath me where I could look more closely at them and see patterns emerge in their arrangement on the ground. Suddenly a wave of ideas washed over me. Life and death merged. Chasing immortality became a fear of life. Love became a denial of that which he already have. Death creates life. One life is many lives. Dis-ease is the path to ease. And in these and so many more paradoxes a much greater, more inclusive truth was illuminated. In the recognition of the ultimate interdependence of relative reality the need to define by opposites became a beautiful tapestry which allowed all of our pain, suffering, joy and triumph to have meaning within the context of one another.

I gotta watch that shit again.

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Independence

A many thanks to Mr. Alan Genser for directing me towards this:



Well said indeed.
I dare say that Mr. Thompson saw it coming.

Monday, July 2, 2007

Integral Art

The idea of developing Integral Arts was suggested to me recently by Joanne Rubin. I have mixed feelings about this. On one hand I am always interested in developing artistic expression and I feel strongly that Sangha (community-LL) is a hugely important aspect of this.

We often times have this idea of the lone artist. The suffering, isolated genius who feels misunderstood by the all of her peers. I don’t doubt that there is much pain and introspection (UL) in art. It may very well be that it is necessary to embrace these dark sides of life to create truly great art. But the question must still be asked, why create art?

For me art has always been about communication. I could claim, as many have, that true art is a purely personal expression of ones soul that no one, save the artist, need understand. The fact that this is sometimes, and at one level necessarily, the result does not mean that explanation is not being attempted and usually achieved to varying degrees. I believe that did one not have the desire to reach out, the desire to connect, they would never manifest anything at all, never mind something as intimate as art.

There is a reason why art exists as an objective artifact (UR). Art is a form of speech. Whether it is the sound waves of a song, the dried strokes from a paint brush, the carved wood from an oak, or anything else that someone has allowed a piece of their identity to be crystallized within; the art that we create is intended to be information shared in a way that simple words do not afford.

This is where the idea of developing Integral Art becomes a bit hairy for me. If you ask me whose art I would like to see or whom I would like to present my art to, I may very well choose an integrally informed community to be a part of this sangha. If we are just talking about gathering like minds in a pot and stirring, then the idea sounds like a potent one indeed.

My resistance comes up when the need to talk about art arises. There is a big difference to me between music and musicology. More importantly, no where do I feel the difference between talking and doing more than in art. For me, art is most easily expressed through music.

I have given much thought to the origins and uses of music. One of the primary issues that I have wrestled with has actually been shown in new light by the bald headed one’s illumination of the pre/trans fallacy. The idea that both pre and trans rational thought will be dismissed by rational logic as simply non-rational, despite the fact that trans-rational transcends and includes rational has interesting implications in my mind. This is mostly because music, as many things, is capable of being all three. But, it is when it is primarily rational that, to me, it seems dead. Perhaps this would make more sense if we explore arts relationship to words.

I have become increasingly aware throughout my life just how much my thoughts are constrained by verbage. I know that there are many levels of consciousness both above and below what I am able to recognize verbally, but far too often it seems as if the only expressions that merit recognition, or are capable of being recognized, are the ones that we can put words to.

What happens to the rest of those thoughts, feelings, emotions, inclinations, intuitions, etc?

Fortunately we have art. As I have said before, I think that art is a way to get in touch with these levels of consciousness.

Great.

So why not talk about it?

Because, in my opinion, we are far too good at talking, and thinking, verbally. Our powers to intellectualize are astounding. The integral community, in particular, can talk even spirituality into mathematical formula’s and complex post-metaphysical addresses. This is why I love to be with these people. But how often is great art a product of formula’s alone? I think that inspiration must come from a degree of quieting the thinking mind. In retreat this weekend Daido Roshi spoke of Hara, the physical and spiritual center of one’s body located in the lower belly ‘3 finger below your belly button’ as being the source of artistic inspiration. The subtle body of sleep is a powerful source of artistic inspiration. There is a reason that while drugs can destroy our brains, they can also facilitate the production of great art.

So, I would love to be artistic with the Integral Community. If Integral ideas are ever going to be disseminated than certainly the vessel will have to be beautiful. The question then is twofold:

1. How do we discuss the packaging without defining constraints?

My desire is to find a way beyond simple words. Surely words will have their place. But, we have amazing powers of multi-media communication in this digital age that can walk all over simple words. And we have always had amazingly subtle abilities that are trampled by words. I am eager to find the most inclusive way.

2. How do we create a womb (physical or cyber room?) with an integral embrace from which anyone can be supported during creation?

I am drowning you in words about art this very moment. I recognize that this is something, though it is not enough. So I also offer song.

This is Pantry. Pantry began with a day spent banging on things in the kitchen pantry. Later violin, vocals, harmonica, guitar, bass, synths and congas were recorded and layered accordingly in an intimate, non-verbal communication between myself and 4 other people. Please listen, and allow yourself to let go of everything that I have just said. I’d love to know where you end up.

Candice and David. Two of the musicians on Pantry. Now married and parents of Talia, the wise sage quoted below.